2-E THE PLAIN DEALER SATURDAY, DECEMBER 2, 1995 hom*osexual parents redefine images GAY FROM 1-E These are just a few of the issues Fish and other gay and lesbian parents deal with daily. Other challenges they face include stereotyping, fear of losing children and jobs, coming out to others, leaving spouses and raising children in a hom*osexual relationship, considering inseminaation or adoption to have a child sand fighting legal battles from such situations. Fish and others, including PolJack, also a lesbian, are frustrated by society's slowness to accept. "Because you're a lesbian that makes you an unfit parent?" specCulates Pollack, speaking recently before a small gathering at Chevrei Tikva, Cleveland's Gay and Synagogue. "I mean, what is the big deal? I pay my: taxes and I am slightly amusing at parties." Pollack's book recounts the struggles of seven hom*osexuals who are parents.
They include Joyce, a single parent who conceived through artificial insem: ination; John, who was raising children from a previous heterosexual marriage; a lesbian couple who adopted three children; and Fish had thought 2 of storing Fish's (nee Sarah's) 4. dren someday, but the responsibility came unexpectedly about eight years ago. Fish's sister called from out of state and said her son Fish's nephew was going to be placed in foster care. sister had been accused of physical abuse and Shiah, then 18 months old, was in a hospital. Fish now has permanent custody, through she never legally "adopted Shiah, whom she calls son.
Legal adoption would have been more secure, but Fish "thought she might Shiah because she is a lesbian. Fish says her sister has been in contact with him. "There is progress on the zon," says Pollack, citing several recent cases of same-sex adoption in New Jersey and New York. And, she points out, there is a growing body of related research. Studies conducted in the 1970s -found no differences in development or sexual orientation between children raised by hom*osexual or heterosexual parents.
That work was done by Martha Kirkpatrick, now a clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of California, Los Angeles. echoed findings. Some 37 children of gay households in the San Francisco Bay area, ages 4 to 9 born to or adopted by lesbiGrans, showed few differences in profiles compared to children raised by heterosexual parents. That study, conducted by Charlotte J. Patterson, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Virginia, found that children of hom*osexuals exhibited more stress, like insomnia, but also had a greater sense of well-being that is, they learned how to better handle stress than their peers.
But raising children in a hom*osexual family is not without problems. Another 1994 study of children of lesbian parents found the perceived stigma could lower children's self-esteem, and cause them isolation from peers. These concerns prompted the first long g-term study of children raised in hom*osexual households. The study of about 85 children of gay parents has just begun and will track them until age 25. It is conducted by professors at the University of California, San Francisco, and Duke University.
Regardless of what the studies conclude, hom*osexuality has become more mainstream in popular This season it has even hit prime-time television: The popular sitcom "Friends" has a storyline following a lesbian couple, one of them the mother of an infant. But reality is a far cry from television, say Fish and others. Fish was the only one at Pollack's recent appearance willing to be identified. Others are fearful, explaining they are concerned about "outing" not only themselves, but their relatives, and subjecting their children to peer pressures and discrimination. pre "No matter how liberal you think society is, it continues to be geared around conventional families," says Fish.
"And say your son wants to have someone over, do you call the parent and say, 'Hi, can your son come over? And by the way, a Does it matter? one one lesbian mother notes, "It's hard enough to be a teenager. The amount of stigma and peer pressure teenagers have to go through is incredible for sons of gay dads, people assume they are gay; to namecalling too." for girls of lesbians, people resort So until society changes, this hom*osexual parent, and many others, keep a low profile. The lesbian mother concludes "I can hang around people who are open minded. Kids can't always pick their friends." Pollack encourages these parents to go public with their stories, to help break down barriers. She writes, "How do you define 'family'? As any lesbian or gay parent will tell you, love makes a Gilfether is a free-lance writer from North Ridgeville.
Organizations help gay, lesbian families Here is a partial list of area resources for lesbian and gay families and their friends: The Gay and Lesbian ComA munity Service Center of Greater Cleveland. 522-1999. Gay Fathers, P.O. Box 91853 Ohio 44101. 621-0228.
HUGS (Hope, Understandsing, Giving and Support to the Gay and Lesbian Community of Lake, Geauga and Ashtabula 1 counties). The support and group meets at 7 p.m. Wednesday at the East Shore -Unitarian Church in Mentor. Write HUGS East, P.O. Box 253 Ohio 44060.
974-8909. P-FLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), 14260 Larchmere Shaker Heights, Ohio 44120. This support Get to the heart of the matter. PERSON TO PERSONALS To respond to ads, call 1-900-820-2662 $2.19 a minute. You must be 18 years or older.
To place an ad, call 1-800-694-8370 70 To fax your ad, call 1-800-842-0864. You must be 18 years or older. The Plain Dealer Sunday magazine; interesting reading all week. 4 THIS WEEK HOLIDAY FESTIVAL Today from 3 to 5 p.m., families are invited to hear holiday songs, participate in a drawing and see Santa at the Coventry Village Festival. The Prayer Warriors are among choirs scheduled to perform.
Participants are asked to bring canned goods and paper products to one of the drop-off points on the street to benefit the Heights Emergency Food Center. Coventry Village is on Coventry between Mayfield Rd. and Euclid Heights Blvd. in Cleveland Heights. HOLIDAY CRAFTS The Cleveland Botanical Garden, 11030 East Cleveland, invites children to make ornaments from twigs, seed pods, acorns, pine cones and berries today from 1 to 3 p.m.
Children will collect their own materials from outdoors. In addition, families can tour the magical Castles and Kingdoms Holiday Show. Also, magician Mr. Magic will perform today and tomorrow from 3 to 4 p.m. ornament program is for children ages 3 to 9.
Cost, $5 members. Registration required. Call 721-1600. 7 CHRISTMAS VILLAGE The Strongsville Historical Society presents "Christmas in the Village" today through Dec. 10 from 5 to 9 p.m.
View the decorated historic buildings, shop for gifts and see the model train exhibit. A donation is requested. The village is at 13305 Pearl Rd. Ohio 42, mile north of Ohio 82. Call 572-3774.
A CLASSIC CONTINUES The Great Lakes Theater Festival continues its production of "A Christmas Carol" through Dec. 24 in the Ohio Theatre, 1519 Euclid Cleveland. Performance times include Wednesdays through Fridays at 8 p.m.; Saturdays at 8:30 p.m.; Sundays at 7 p.m.; and matinees Saturdays at 4 p.m. and Sundays at 1:30 p.m. For additional showtimes and tickets ($15 to $35), call 241-6000.
MUSIC AND STORIES Join the Blue Rose Dulcimer Duo today from 2 to 4 p.m., as the group performs and tells stories. The event is at Barnes and Noble bookstore 5900 Mayfield Mayfield Heights. Call 473-1040. TREES OF HOPE University Hospitals of Cleveland's Trees of Life will be on display through tomorrow at the MK Ferguson Atrium, Tower City Center, Public Square. Hours are, today from 11 a.m.
to 5:30 p.m.; and tomorrow from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. Tickets, $5 adults; $3 students, child or senior; $13 family. On Dec. 3, have brunch with Santa from noon to 2 p.m.
Cost, $20 adults; $12 children. Money raised will benefit the breast cancer research programs at University Hospital's Ireland Cancer Center. Call 844-7864. 'MOTHER GOOSE TIME The Fairview Park Regional Library, 4449 W. 213th St.
will host an hour of rhymes and fun for all ages today from 2 to 3 p.m. Free. Call 333-4700. A VICTORIAN CHRISTMAS Celebrate a Victorian Christ- Family Events The Holiday Lights Festival at Cleveland Metroparks Zoo continues today and tomorrow; Friday through Dec. 10; Dec.
15 through 23; and Dec. 26 through 30. Hours are 5:30 to 9 p.m. Thousands of lights, seasonal displays and entertainment await visitors. In addition, two 12-foot Santa and Mrs.
Claus will visit each evening from 6 to 8 p.m. The zoo is at 3900 Brookside Park giraffes, swinging monkeys and a 6-foot crocodile are among the animated figures on display. Dr. Cost, $4 adults and those 12 and older; $2 children 2 to 11; under 2 free. Call 661-6500.
mas tomorrow and Dec. 10 from 1 to 5 p.m. at the Jennie Munger Gregory Museum, 5685 Lake Geneva-on-the-Lake. Visitors will get a view of Christmas past with toys that date back as far as the turn of the century. Cost, $2 for adults; children under 12 free; free to members.
Call 466-7337. LIGHTS OF OLD Come out to the Cleveland Metroparks Huntington Reservation Schuele Planetarium today, Dec. 9 and 16 at 6:30 p.m., or tomorrow and Dec. 10 and 17 at 3 p.m. to learn about some early festivities and the oldest lights of all, the stars.
Huntington is at. 28728 Wolf Bay Village. Cost, members free. Call 871-2900. 'CHANUKAH BET' The Jewish Community Center Youtheatre presents 'The Chanukah Bet" today and Dec.
10 at 2 p.m. This production is based on the folktale "Mazel and Shlemazel." The play is at the Mayfield JCC Halle Theatre, 3505 Mayfield Cleveland Heights. Tickets, $4.50 JCC members. Call 382-4000, Ext. 274, to reserve tickets.
Also, tomorrow through Wednesday, come by the Mandel JCC, 26001 South Woodland Beachwood, for a Children's Jewish Book Fair. Hours tomorrow from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m.; Monday and Tuesday from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.; and Wednesday from 9 a.m. to 3:30 p.m.
Books for preschool and elementary school age children, as well as young adults and teenagers, will be offered for sale. Call 382-4000. MUSICAL PERFORMANCE The University of Akron School of Music's Paragon Brass Quintet performs tomorrow at 3 p.m. in Guzzetta Recital Hall, 157 University Ave. Music performed will be from the 16th, 19th and 20th centuries.
Cost, $6 couples; free for students, seniors and children. Call 972-6925. A SKIT AND SANTA Reserve your seat now for the Chagrin Valley Little Theatre's "A Gingerbread Tea With Santa and His Friends," tomorrow and Dec. 10. There are two afternoon Christmas skits planned at 1 and 3 p.m.
on both dates. Santa will be around for photos with the kids. This program is for adults and children in second grade and younger. The theater is at 40 River Chagrin Falls. Cost of $5 includes show and tea; $4 for the show.
For reservations, call 247-8955. DEALING WITH VIOLENCE "Violence and Childhood Trauma: Understanding and Responding to the Effects of Violence on Young Children," is the topic for a conference Tuesday and Wednesday from 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. at the Cleveland State University Convocation Center, E. 18th St.
and Prospect Ave. The event is presented by the Urban Child Research Center at Cleveland State University's Levin College of Urban Affairs. Local and national experts will discuss programs aimed at healing children exposed to traumatic violence and helping those at risk. Costs for the conference vary. Call 687-5490.
FESTIVAL OF FUN The Cleveland Botanical Garden, Cleveland Institute of Art, Cleveland Institute of Music, Cleveland Museum of Art, Cleveland Museum of Natural History and the Western Reserve Historical Society are among the institutions around University Circle inviting families to Holiday CircleFest on Wednesday from 5 to 9 p.m. This free event will offer an array of seasonal entertainment, family activities and museum store shopping in the University Cir-. cle area. Call 791-3900. GIFT OF SOFTWARE The Educational Computer Consortium of Ohio (ECCO) will host an open house Thursday from 6 to 9 p.m.
for people interested in purchasing discounted software for the holidays. Try out packages for both Macintosh and ECCO is at 4300 Bayard South Euclid. Cost, $5 donation in advance; $10 at the door. Call 691-2222. CHRISTMAS CLASSICS The Cleveland Orchestra will perform seasonal, popular and sing-along tunes with choral ensembles Friday at 8:30 p.m., Dec.
9 and 16 at 3 p.m. and Dec. 17 at 2:30 p.m. Tickets $20 to $46. Call 231-1111.
The concerts A tradition continues when the Cleveland Ballet presents "The Nutcracker" Thursday through Dec. 31 at the State Theatre, 1519 Euclid Cleveland. Performance times vary. Tickets, $15 to $25. 1 A a are performed at Severance Hall, 11001 Euclid Cleveland.
LOOKING AHEAD HOLIDAY RIDERS For a different kind of holiday celebration, stop by the "Holiday Equestrian Musical" on, Dec. 9 at 8 p.m. and Dec. 10 at 5' and 8 p.m. at Brecksville Met-: roparks Stables, 11921 Parkview Dr.
View the precision drills as. riders a and horses move to the sounds of holiday music. $5 adult seating in the indoor: observation area; $7 for adult seating in the indoor performance arena; $3 for children and under. Seating is limited," and tickets should be purchased in advance. Call 526-6767.
GREENS GALORE Come over to the Cleveland: Botanical Garden on Dec 9 for "A Green Galore, Family Party" 4 from 10 a.m. to noon or 1 to p.m. Families will have the op-' portunity to make wreaths, door' swags or a centerpiece. spruce and fir greens will be available. The party will conclude with hot cider, cookies and a tour of the Castle and Kingdoms Holiday This event is for children 6 to 12.5 Cost, $15; $12 members.
Calle 721-1600. group meets at 7:30 p.m. the second Tuesday of every month at Trinity Cathedral, 2021 E. 22nd Cleveland. 321-7413 or 467-9078.
Gay and Lesbian Parents Coalition International, an advocacy and support group of lesbian mothers, gay fathers, bisexual parents and children. The group provides information and referrals on custody issues, adoption, surrogacy, insemination and the rights of co-parents. The organization keeps a confidential mailing list. It also offers a group for children of gays and lesbian parents, Children of Gays and Lesbian Everywhere. Write to the group at P.O.
Box 50360, Washington, D.C. 20091. (202) 583-8029. Keeping rein on protective instinct PROTECTIVE FROM 1-E For days afterward, I tortured myself with the images of her sailing to the ground and a tabloid headline describing me as The Mother Who Dropped Her Baby. I never dropped my older child, but great horror came during those tender learning-to-walk months.
The first of many times her feet went out from under her, I heard the thud of her head on the floorboards for weeks. I tried to talk out the boogeyman, only to be dismissed by an unsympathetic listener who huffed "Well, it's over now." Clearly, she didn't get it. It's never "over." And after a few years of doing the parenthood thing, I'm not sure it ever should be. Painful as they are, these protective pangs are natural and good. In families where the love flows even haltingly, the pangs are reminders of the most profound connections between generations.
They deepen when actual harm befalls a child. They end only with the parent's life. And they begin, of course, with the first pulse of heartbeat. So welcome, Barbara. Welcome to the party.
And get ready for the ride of your life. MAESTRO FOR KIDS The Akron Symphony Orches-, tra's Mini Maestro Club for Kids" presents "Snowflake Sampler" on Dec. 9 from 1 to 4 p.m. This, club provides children 4 to 8. with hands-on musical programs.
The program is at the: Akron-Summit County Public: Library, 55 South Main and' is in cooperation with the" Friends of the Akron-Summit4 County Libraries. Membership cost, $3, includes admission to all club-sponsored events. 535-8131. MAKING MUSIC Using recycled material, chil-, dren of all ages will make and' play intruments Dec. 10 from 1 to 3 p.m.
at The Nature Company at Beachwood Place Mall, 26300 Cedar Rd. Craig. Woodson, who has built 130 ferent instruments will be on' hand to instruct children. Free. Call 831-7720.
BLACK NATIVITY To give everyone a chance catch a holiday tradition, Ka-. ramu Theatre has moved its' production of "Black to Music Hall, 500 Lakeside: Cleveland, Dec. 15 through Dec. 23. This produc-: tion tells the nativity story through gospel, dance and po-.
etry. Tickets, $15 to $32.50. Call" 241-5555. HOLIDAY TIPS Parents Without Partners will welcome B.F. St.
Angelo, an, adult psychotherapist and adolescent analyst, to its meet-: ing Dec. 15 at 8:15 p.m. St. gelo's presentation, which will" be "Tips for the Holidays," will cover challenges of being a single-parent head of household to, uncomfortable and undesirable, family situations. The meeting: is at the Church of the Savior, 2537 Lee Cleveland.
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